Thoroughly Modern Smurfasaur
Most people see the world in black and white. They get up every day and go to work. They punch in by 8:00 and clock out at 5:00. They return home, eat dinner, watch a little television, and are safely in bed by 11:00.
Then there are people like Smurfasaur. She sees the world in brilliant technicolor. She knows that it is filled with a million possibilities, and she is chasing as many of them as possible.
Alt model. Circus sideshow performer. Aerialist. Clown. Author.
Equal parts charming and irreverent, Smurfasaur is every bit the realization of a fully modern woman.
Talk a little about your background?
Though I now live in Philadelphia, I’m originally from the magical land of John Waters, “hon,” and Old Bay. Also known as Baltimore! I was a weird kid that really liked making costumes and art. Needless to say, I was picked last in gym. I was also super into the rave scene and always looked like Toys-R-Us splooged on me.
Where did the name “Smurfasaur” come from?
Someone called me “Smurf” once and never let me forget it. I don’t remember where “Smurfasaur” came from, though. Dinosaurs, I think.
How did you break into modeling?
It just kind of happened. I went to a high school for visual arts and was really into figure painting and photography, so the modeling just kind of happened. I ran with it.
What impact did the exposure you got as a Suicide Girl have on your career?
How did you become interested in circus sideshows and burlesque?
That’s always been a thing ever since I was a tiny tot going to ren faires and carnivals. Once I realized that I could do this as a job, I gave up on real life.
Describe the training and sacrifices that go into being a performer.
I live in a minivan and eat orange food from gas stations.
There is a lot more that goes into training than people think. Obviously, I do strength training and stretching for the aerial stuff, but then there is also writing lines and jokes for the comedy portion of the performance. I’m always coming up with ideas. Then, inevitably, I won’t possess the skill I need for the idea, so now I gotta learn a new thing. No sooner do I that, then I come up with another idea, and it starts all over again.
For the uninitiated, what can one expect when they attend a performance of your troupe, Thunder Snow Cone?
Extreme silliness!! A lot of fun. We kind of merge circus sideshow and burlesque acts together in our show.
You have some incredible ink. What do tattoos mean to you?
The only tattoos I have that really have any meaning are “Snoop Dolphin” and my six-titty wizard hot dog with a dick. He can fly.
Anyone that follows your travels across America via social media knows that you are obsessed with potato salad. What is your definition of a “perfect” potato salad? To date, where have you found the best?
I’m NOT obsessed with potato salad…I’m just writing a book!
As for potato salad…the key is definitely the mayo to vinegar/mustard ratio. Mayo is gross on its own.
So far, the best ones have been in Pensacola, Oakland, Lodi, and New York. BUT…buy a copy of “Potato Salad Across America” when it comes out to judge for yourself.
-Zep the Bear