Welcome to Hydra, the Hope of the World!

Welcome to Hydra, the Hope of the World!

hydra3

The following letter was found by construction workers in the wreckage of the Triskelion, along the Potomac River in Washington DC, in late 2015.

Welcome to Hydra, the hope of the world!

You have heard our traditional slogan, “cut off one head, and two others will rise to take its place.” This is a way of describing the futility of the world’s so-called “peacekeeping” efforts, such as SHIELD, the Hand, the Inhumans, the Maggia, Department H, the Purifiers, the Avengers, etc. Such organizations depend on chaos for their “success.”

They must, in the end, fail. The world cries out for protection from the very chaos such groups bring about. It cries out for order. With order comes the only true peace. And we are those who bring it about. In Hydra, you are a “head,” and because your cause is just it is futile of others to oppose you.

How will you bring order? We offer three career tracks:

(1) Information control

In this track, you will learn how our competition intends to create chaos, and you will oppose them: through regular and social media; through government lobbying: through candidacy; through nonprofit work.

(2) Technology repurposing

Here you will find technologies, artifacts, and forces of nature, and adapt them to Hydra’s needs: through such movements as our Beekeeper Initiative, where we team up with the scientists of Advanced Idea Mechanics or free agents such as Reed Richards; or through re-engineering the technology of such corporations as Roxxon Oil, Oscorp, and Stark Industries.

(3) Shadow warfare

Where there are nations desiring a greater sense of order for their people, we are there, offering paramilitary forces to oppose any move to overthrow those in authority. There is often a need to oppose splinter groups among the Atlanteans, the Wakandans, the Latverians, the Americans, etc. If you are a fighter, we will make you great.

You will be assigned a mentor within your first two weeks as a Hydra employee. Working with your mentor you will find which of our career tracks best suits your talents and temperament, and you will be assigned a cover to protect your identity and your family. I might add that our mentorship program is the envy of our industry. Our mentors provide just the sort of light touch you need at this stage of your career. Some offer books; we give you the wisdom of experience.

Mentorship is not the only advantage we of Hydra offer our employees. We have full medical, dental and vision plans, a 401K, on-the-job training and exercise facilities, and our AD&D policy is unlike any other in the world. Again, Hydra is all about family, after all.

As do most of our senior executives, I have an open-door policy for those with questions and concerns. But we are constantly on the move; ours is an organization that is very busy and important. You will find most of your questions can be handled in confidence by your mentor.

I look forward to seeing what you make of yourself. Hail Hydra!

Sincerely,

Baron Helmut Zemo
CEO

(This above missive was brought to the attention of Super No Bueno editors by contributor Ron Graham. He can be reached at @RonGraham1.)

 

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