Ultimate Wrestling League
The Fast Lane
November 11, 2016
Photograph courtesy of UWL
-Jay Miller (promoter), Joe Dombrowski (play-by-play commentator), “Boobs” (color commentator), ME Howerton (camera man), and “Wildman” Johnny Belles (referee).
-“Kano” Josh Emanuel defeated Chest Flexor by pinfall after a knee to the temple.
-“Super Oprah” Jabari Mustafa gave Joe Dombrowski an unwanted in-ring lapdance.
-Super Oprah and Patrick “The Butcher” Hinkley went to a “No Contest” when they were jumped by The Commission (“The Black Superman” Lexx Vegas & JaXon Kade). Jay Miller then made and impromptu tag team match between the four men to determine the first UWL tag team champions.
-The Commission defeated Hinkley & Mustafa (who shed his Oprah outfit/persona) to become the first UWL Tag Team Champions after Hinkley was whipped by Vegas into a gnarly spear by Kade, which lead to a pinfall.
-Miller entered the ring to congratulate the new champions. Since they were so cocky, he rewarded them by making them the first and second entrant in the championship scramble later in the evening. The two brutes were going to have to square off.
-Championship Scramble. 15-minute time limit. Two men start, other participants will enter as the match progresses. Whoever gets a pinfall will be “champion” until another pinfall occurs. The first UWL champion will be the participant who is “champion” at the end of the time limit.
Kade and Vegas start. Kade gives Vegas the “Finger Poke of Doom” to get the first pinfall in the match.
Out came Flexor, followed soon after by Jabari. Hinkley and Kano enter in short order to begin the match in earnest.
Flexor pinned Kade to become “champion.”
Kade pinned Flexor with 5 minutes remaining to regain the “champion” designation.
Hinkley pinned Jabari.
Oprah pinned Hinkley with 3 minutes left.
Two minutes: Kade pinned Jabari.
Kano, who had been hiding outside the ring for most of the match, enters the ring.
Hinkley pinned Kade with 27 seconds left.
Kano pinned Flexor with 1 second left to become the first UWL Champion.
Kano, Vegas, and Kade each threw up a fist, signaling that they are some sort of faction.
-Super Oprah (wearing a blonde wig and dress) to me as I exit the men’s room and he enters: “Don’t judge me!!”
-Oprah after licking Hinkley: “He tastes like pork and chicken and ass!”
-Audience member of Kade: “Kill him!”
Kade: “Why I gotta die?”
-Kade: “I’m champ, so I ain’t gotta do nuthin’.”
-Vegas: “I can’t believe he kicked me in my damn nuts.”
-Oprah to The Commission: “I’m black. You’re black. Why don’t we all share the belt?”
-Oprah to Hinkley: “You gonna pin me? You gonna eat my cornbread, bro!”
"Black Wrestlers Matter" (Photograph courtesy of UWL)
This was a thin show. Six performers composing four matches is about tight as it can get and still be able to call it a “show.” Fortunately, five of the six were seasoned enough to make it work. Super Oprah hustled his ass off. He is can do serious or silly and be entertaining either way. When he shifted gears from Oprah to Jabari, it gave the illusion of depth to the roster. Vegas and Kade are two bruisers who work stiff and are hilarious when they jaw at the crowd.
I’m not exactly sure what the plans for the future direction of the company are, or if there will even be a future, but it seemed odd to me to shotgun through crowning a singles and tag champion during one four match show. They could have gotten some mileage out of a build. However, it probably doesn’t matter.
It also seems weird to have a faction consisting of three people when that is 50% of the entire roster. Oh well.
Dombrowski is a pro. He is a seasoned announcer and comically sold the lapdance from Oprah.
Ring announcing might not be Boobs’ calling. I couldn’t understand a word he said.
The area the ring was staged was small but at least there were reasonable restrooms and a nearby bar in the bowling alley. Plus, I love wrestling shows held in random locations.
$10 is too steep a ticket price for a show that lasted a pinch longer than an hour and 15 minutes (including an intermission). Based on this event, I’d say that the promoters should hustle up some sponsors to defray costs and make future events free until they are able to offer a more substantial show. At the absolute most, a case could me made for a $5 ticket, but even then an hour show ain’t gonna cut it.