Absolute Intense Wrestling
Hell on Earth XII
Our Lady of Mt. Carmel
November 25, 2016
Attendance: 450 +/-
-Mike Tolar defeated Hot Young Briley by pinfall.
The first two minutes of the match were a play on the recent Goldberg/Lesnar Survivor Series main event match, except Briley kicked out of the Jackhammer.
Tolar hasn’t wrestled in six or seven years. Briley was wearing a pair of his brother Dolph Ziggler’s tights and boots. This one seems like it came together at the last minute.
Tolar pinned HYB after an Olympic Slam.
For neither guy being active recently, it was a great little match. I miss Tolar. I always thought he had a ton of potential.
-Louis Lyndon defeated Eddie Kingston, Eric Ryan, and PB Smooth in a 4-way match.
Kingston was particularly charming during the opening minutes. I prefer him as a heel but he is a very likable babyface.
Smooth looked great. He rag-dolled Ryan into the ringside barrier. He also blocked a blow from Kingston with his bare hand. One note: he might sell just a hair too much. Aura is a rare and valuable commodity. If he loses it early it’s nearly impossible to get back.
Lyndon trapped Ryan in a Dragon Sleeper for a submission. Are these recent wins leading somewhere for Lyndon?
-Matt Cross defeated Colt Cabana by pinfall.
As the Cleveland crowd chanted, “Fuck the Cubs,” Cabana instructed the ring announcer to announce his winter home as “Cleveland, Ohio.”
Matt Cross’ grandmother was in the audience and laced into Cabana. She made her way to ringside and read him the riot act. Crowd: “Let’s
Crowd: “Let’s go, Grandma!”
Cabana: “Grandma, I’m about to fly, baby!”
Crowd: Begins to sing the R. Kelly song, “I Believe I Can Fly.” It was a surreal, yet authentic, moment.
Cross hits a stunner for the win.
Cross, Cabana, and Grandma were all excellent in their roles.
-Triple Threat Tag: To Infinity & Beyond (Colin Delaney & Cheech) defeated Ninja Elite Squad (Facade & Flip Kendrick) and Dedication Personified (Dr. Daniel C. Rockingham & Brian Carson).
DCR has some nice new gear. It looked sharp. He did a funny spot in which he slowly rode his hoverboard into Kendrick in the corner. In some ways, I think he has made the most progress of all the students. I’ve enjoyed his last few matches quite a bit. He and Carson are an enjoyable duo.
Cheech powerbombed Kendrick onto Carson, who was on all fours. Delaney then pinned Carson.
-AIW Women’s Championship: Shayna Baszler (c) defeated Heidi Lovelace to retain the title.
Baszler has a ton of aura and doesn’t blink in the face of her opponents.
This was a great match. Lovelace “learned” in storyline terms from previous encounters and lasted a bit longer this time with the dominant champion. I could watch these two women throw down every month.
I want to be the first to say that I want to see Shayna Baszler as AIW Absolute Champion. She has the confidence, physicality, and overwhelming aura to become a dominant title holder against male competition. (I told her this during the intermission. She simply smiled.)
-Space Monkey (w/ Dick Justice) defeated Karlee Perez.
Perez is incredibly sexy but didn’t do much wrestling during the match. She informed Monkey that she can “play rough” and pulled and caressed his tail as she chased him around the ring.
At one point, Justice seductively ate a banana to ward off Perez. I nearly became ill just typing that sentence.
Perez kissed Space Monkey after he pinned her. That’s one lucky chimp!
-Ethan Page pinned Brian Cage.
Page announced that he is “No Needles/All Ego” Ethan Page.
This was a by the book match with a lot of kickouts. The crowd was chatty during the body of the bout.
After the match, there was a posedown between the two at Page’s request. Funny stuff.
Crowd: “Please come back!”
-AIW Tag Team Championship: Crazy Pain (c) retained the titles over the Jollyville Fuck-Its.
My buddy Tim commented that they felt like two teams with something to prove.
Crazy Pain is hella over with the crowd. “Gringo Loko” and “Steve Pain” chants filled Mt. Carmel’s Hall during the opening minutes of the match.
This was a great title defense filled with high flying moves and stiff shots. It was a solid exclamation point on their claim to the belts.
The bout ended with both Loko and Pain simultaneously pinning their opponents.
I love this team.
-Zack Sabre Jr. defeated Dominic Garrini.
This was a compelling, technical match up. The two men met each other hold for hold. Garrini is new to professional wrestling but has a legitimate history in Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu and amateur wrestling. Garrini can hold his own with experienced opponents. Not everyone can do that at such an early point in their career.
Sabre pinned Garrini to win the match. He put “The Bone Collector” over on the mic. After, Garrini was jumped by The Duke. The Duke said that Garrini is a loser and always fails. He promised that BJ Whitmer will finish him off at the next show.
-AIW Intense Championship: Alex Daniels (w/ Gregory Iron & Veda Scott) retained the title over Laredo Kid.
Scott was dressed in a turkey suit.
Kid rocked Daniels with a stunning Spanish Fly off the top rope.
Daniels won via pinfall.
-AIW Absolute Championship “Fans Bring the Weapons”: Josh Prohibition (c) retained with a win over Tim Donst.
There were a number of objects brought for the match by fans but nothing that I found to be particularly interesting or clever.
After referee Tom Dunn was inadvertently knocked out by a shot with a stop sign from Prohibition, Donst tapped out. However, the match continued since there was no referee. Jake Clemons ran to the ring to replace Dunn.
Probo secured a pin after a Drunken Driver on top of the stop sign, tacks, and an assortment of other junk.
Who is the next challenger for Prohibition?
"Crazy Pain": Gringo Loko & Steve Pain (Photograph courtesy of John Janezic)