Absolute Intense Wrestling
Jelly of the Month Club
(Our Lady of Mt. Carmel-Cleveland, OH.-December 30th, 2016-7:30 PM)
1.) Shawn Shultz defeated Mike Tolar.
Shultz hit Tolar with a low-blow and then DDT’d him for the pin.
Pretty nice opener.
I’m a bit confused because AIW owners Chandler Biggins and John Thorne stated on their podcast, The Card is Going to Change, that after a recent event, low-blows have been banned in the company.
It’s nice to see Tolar back. I thought perhaps his appearance at Hell on Earth XII was a one-off, but it appears that he is making a full-time return.
2.) BJ Whitmer defeated Dominic Garrini.
Garrini gave The Duke a piledriver, only to be caught in an Exploder and pinned.
Before the match Whitmer talked a bunch of smack, suggesting that Garrini needs to go back to wrestling school.
3.) PB Smooth defeated Eddie Kingston.
Reason #276 why Eddie Kingston is awesome: He, err, “ball-tapped” ring announcer Steve Guy during intros.
Smooth choke-bombed Kingston, which allowed the pin.
4.) The Jollyville Fuck-Its defeated The Carnies.
T-Money sidewalk-slammed Kerry Awful. Nasty Russ immediately destroyed him with a cannonball off the top rope for the pinfall.
Early on, Awful drilled Russ with an Earthquake Splash.
Nick Iggy to Russ: “I hate you. I Hate You! I HATE YOU!!”
This was the first match of the evening to get a solid reaction from the crowd. They are going to make a solid base for the revitalized AIW tag team division.
God, I love both teams. They are cool, scrappy, and inventive. I was torn who to root for.
5.) Hot Sauce Williams defeated Laredo Kid, Sonjay Dutt, and Joey Janella (w/ Penelope Ford) in a 4-Way Dance.
Lots of crazy spots. Ford interfered for Janella quite a bit but it worked. I’m usually not a fan of a lot of outside interference but she added to the quality of the match.
Janella: “I’m a bad, bad boy!!”
Janella tapped out to Williams.
6.) Swoggle defeated Britt Baker.
Swoggle started the match by presenting Baker with a red rose and asking her to dance. She accepted as “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion began to play.
Swoggle wanted a kiss. As Baker went in to give him one, he spit in her face and slugged her. He was very rough with her. At one point he kissed and licked her abs, which was vile.
Baker was caught in a half-assed rollup by Swoggle and was pinned.
7.) Intense Championship: Alex Daniels (c) (w/ Gregory Iron) defeated Matt Cross to retain the title.
For some reason, it took Cross FOREVER to come out from the locker room once his music began.
Daniels entered carrying a beige file folder. He began cutting a promo about a match he had with Cross one year ago. He said that at the time he considered it a dream match. However, Cross hurt him during the match, injuring his eye. It cost Daniels two months of his career and thousands of dollars in medical bills. He said Cross never checked on him at the hospital, offered to pay his medical bills, or even apologized. Tonight he was going to make him pay for that.
While this was going on, Iron began propositioning Cross’ grandmother who was sitting in the front row. He unzipped his hoodie, rubbed himself, and advanced toward her. Grandma Cross is a great foil for Iron’s antics.
Daniels: GET HIM!
After a back-and-forth match, Daniels pinned Cross.
Daniels promo before the match was excellent. He is coming along nicely in that department. Normally, Iron handles the bulk of the talking, so this is the first time I recall “The Realist” flying mostly solo. It was well-executed, nicely thought out, and called back to a previous event. I don’t know who the backstage promo coach is, but it certainly had elements of Josh Prohibition all over it.
8.) Ray Rowe defeated Tim Donst.
Josh Prohibition came out first to cut a promo prior to defending the AIW Absolute Championship against Rowe. Probo said that he has wondered since Absolution X if he could beat Ray Rowe one-on-one. Before he could finish, Santa Claus emerged from the back. Distracted, Tim Donst came through the crowd and jumped the champ. Rowe ran out to make the save and began brawling with Donst. Steve Guy then announced that the match would now be between Rowe and Donst.
This was a wild brawl that went all through the crowd. Rowed slammed Donst on the unforgiving bleachers multiple times. I was inches away and can vouch for Donst’s legitimate agony.
Once back in the ring, that two settled in with Rowe eventually pinning Donst.
Company co-owner John Thorne had a family tragedy earlier in the week, so I was curious to see how smoothly the event would run. Not only did it appear seamless to the audience, but it was wrapped up by 10:30, which allowed for those interested to catch the Ronda Rousey fight later in the evening.
Garrini is making progress. He seems to be separating himself from the pack and consistently gets matches with interesting opponents each show. He is on his way.
I hope AIW brass got a good look at Penelope Ford. She made the most in front of the audience and would be a welcome addition to a Girls Night Out event.
The evening ended with Prohibition promising that the scheduled match between he and Rowe would happen in the near-future. I’d love to this this incarnation of Ray Rowe have a run with the Absolute belt.