(Promotion: IWWA – Parkersburg Catholic High School – Parkersburg, WV – June 3, 2017)
Correspondent: Ted Zep
Joe Dombrowski is out at 7:15 to address the audience. There is a ten bell salute for “Pretty Boy” Doug Somers, who had recently passed away.
Andrew Palace v. Ethan Wright
Wright dominates early with a side headlock. Boots to the gut, elbow and pin attempt.
The audience claps for a Palace comeback.
Wright connects with a big elbow drop and a belly-to-back suplex. He pummels Palace with forearms and a backbreaker across his knee. He is dominating his opponent.
Palace stops a charge with a boot and a trio of clotheslines. He hits a “hesitation” dropkick for a two-count.
Wright blocks the pump handle driver. He executes a jumping DDT and gets the pinfall.
This was a mugging. Palace barely got in any offense.
Winner: Ethan Wright
Missile Assault Man v. Cisco Silver
The crowd pops for Silver as he enters to “Rapper’s Delight.”
MAM: “Missile! Assault! Man!”
The two trade wristlocks.
Silver crucifixes MAM for a two-count.
MAM trips Silver from the outside and gives him the “Garvin Stomp.” He rocks Silver with a wicked European Uppercut. He then stands on his hand before doling out another European Uppercut, a “Lung Blower,” and a cradle backbreaker. He gestures toward his opponent.
“He’s a chump.”
Silver retaliates with kicks to the knee and temple. He performs a jackhammer, which gets him a two.
MAM blocks a roll-up and scores the pin.
Winner: Missile Assault Man
Lord Zoltan & Trace Matthews v. Magnum CK & The Nightmare
During his ring entrance, Zoltan dances with some of Parkerburg’s, err, finest.
There is a dance-off in the ring.
Magnum CK does the “Fargo Strut.”
CK v. Zoltan.
Zoltan gets the better hand with a wrist lock.
Matthews leap frogs down onto CK’s arm.
CK: ” I CAN’T GET OUT!”
Zoltan & Matthews “rowboat” their opponents.
CK: “This is not going how I planned.”
CK & Nightmare double-team Matthews
CK: “What a maneuver!”
CK drills Matthews with a suplex. He tags in The Nightmare.
The Nightmare punches Matthews and gives him a swinging neckbreaker. He tags CK and bodyslams Matthews.
CK scores big with an elbow off the top rope. He gives Matthews a leg drop but misses a “Macho Man” elbow.
Matthews “hot tags” Zoltan, who works over both opponents.
The devious CK pulls a “foreign object” from his trunks. He KO’s Matthews for the pinfall.
Winner: Magnum CK & The Nightmare
David Tower v. Mr. Touchdown
TD: “Welcome to Touchdown City!”
He spikes his football and threatens the little girl who picks it up.
Tower with a hip-toss and armbar. TD leapfrogs him. Tower monkey flips him out of the corner.
Tower is tripped off the apron. TD stuns him with a headlock takeover. Tower sweeps the legs for a two-count.
Fan to Touchdown: “You were JV!”
Touchdown: “I am not JV.”
Tower rolls him up for two.
Audience: “Wa-ter boy!”
TD keeps Tower in an extended ankle lock.
Audience: “Bench warm-er!”
Tower puts TD down with a humongous back bodydrop.
TD connects with a giant spinebuster for two.
Tower hits a facebuster off the top and a forward roll into an “RKO” for the pinfall.
Winner: David Tower
Chris LeRusso v. Brian Christopher
Christopher plays to the audience. He calls a kid to the ring, allowing the boy to throw out his bandana to the audience.
LeRusso cuts a promo. He says that there will only be “one crown prince” of wrestling after tonight. He jumps Christopher before he can respond.
Christopher gives him a “Rocket Launcher” and pins him in under a minute !?!
LeRusso tries to jump him but gets atomic dropped for his trouble. Christopher mocks him.
Winner: Brian Christopher
Joe Dombrowski introduces Jim Cornette, who will induct Bill Eadie (Masked Superstar, Demolition Ax) into the IWWA Hall of Fame.
Rock Parsons is in the ring.
Eadie thanks the audience for the award and hand-drawn portrait.
Laura Loveless v. Honey Badger
Loveless: “This place is deplorable.”
Loveless insists on being introduced as “Laura Lohan.” She yells “paparazzi” and cracks Badger in the face with a cellphone. She continues the assault with chops outside the ring. She screams bloody murder while hacking away on her.
The determined Badger charges Loveless in the corner three consecutive times. She gives Loveless a “Stinkface.” Loveless sells it like a million bucks.
Badger then goes for a headbutt and accidentally tears off her opponent’s wig.
The two trade elbows.
Badger hits a German suplex, but Loveless kicks out at two. She then rocks Loveless with a stunner and gets the pinfall.
Winner: Honey Badger
Dasher Hatfield v. Bill Collier
Hatfield heads to ringside accompanied by a dozen kids. The get in a circle and touch hands as “Born in the USA” blares over the sound system.
Collier: “Keep it down while the beatings commence.”
Hatfield announces that he can’t pull Collier’s hair because it is “too greasy.”
Collier misses a splash to the corner. Hatfield is staggered by a “Snake Eyes.” Collier traps him in a headlock. He powerslams Hatfield for a two.
Hatfield: fastball pitch punch and a “slide-into-home” kick. He gets a two. He hits a sunset flip for two.
Collier connects with a devastating right cross. He gets Hatfield up for the “Razor’s Edge.” Hatfield rolls forward but Collier grabs the tights and gets the pin.
Winner: Bill Collier
Parsons presents plaques to all of the show sponsors.
Six-Man Tag Team Match
Demolition Ax/ME Howerton/Bulldozer v. “Mr. USA” Tony Atlas/AdamThomas/ Brad Thomas
Atlas does some fancy footwork on his way to the ring.
Howerton and Atlas start the match. Mr. USA doles out a hiptoss and clothesline. A Thomas brother tags in and drives into knees Howerton’s arm.
Atlas and Ax have squared off. Bulldozer tries to stop it and shoves Ax. He takes the spot against Atlas. Atlas pounds Bulldozer’s head into the turnbuckle ten times.
Bulldozer shoves Howerton. He goes for a chokeslam. Ax cracks him with Cornette’s racket. The Thomas’ pile on Bulldozer for the pin.
Ax and Atlas shake hands. Ax smacks Bulldozer a second time with the racket.
Atlas plays with the kids while he dances to the locker room.
Winners: Tony Atlas & Thomas Bros.
“Lotto Wars” Battle Royale
Rules: Two competitors start. At equal intervals, a new wrestler enters the ring. Over-the-top-rope elimination. No one knows when they are coming out, as the fans draw numbers 1-15 from a fishbowl.
Participants (First number: entry/Second number: elimination): Cisco Silver (1/2), Andrew Palace (2/3), Mr. Touchdown (3/1), Brad Thomas (4/4), Chris LeRusso (5/6), The Beast Man (6/13), Magnum CK (7/5), Adam Thomas (8/10), Trace Matthews (9/9), ME Howerton (10/8), Ethan Wright (11/12), Missile Assault Man (1s/), Dasher Hatfield (13/Winner), Bill Collier (14/14), David Tower (15/11)
The final minutes of the bout see Beast Man and Wright batting on the apron. Hatfield dropkicks them off and is declared the winner. That is until Bill Collier storms the ring. Originally supposed to occupy the #11 spot, he didn’t come out at the time he was announced. Looking to use the element of surprise, he jumps Hatfield. He charges the “King of Swing” only to be low-bridged and eliminated. So much for that plan, Bill.
Rock Parsons knows what he is doing and assembled a great night of wrestling. I’d been waiting years to meet Tony Atlas and he was nothing less than gracious and charming. Jim Cornette was certain to spend time with each and every person in line at his merch table. Magnum CK did what he does best by keeping the territory days alive. Missile Assault Man was an unexpected treat. He is scrappy and fun to watch.
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